Half-Price Funerals

by Aidan Andrew Dun

hpf1

Half-price funerals:
special offer:

Kill yourself
we’ll do the rest

Our huge reduction
deals are hotter

We’re the cheapest
we’re the best.

Pinched by this
squeezed by that?

Dig your own grave
and save, save!

We’ll help you
to hang your hat

Abbreviate
what we engrave

On your cut-price
tombstone

Get you under
with no trouble

(Group-burials:
you’re not alone)

Cover you up
with budget rubble.

Of sound mind?
We’ll find a reason

Our suicidal cut-rate
silly-season

Will get you where
time really flies:

Your demise
is our surprise!

Go-by-installment
on a pre-plan

Do it now
while you still can!

Peace of mind
is a DIY coffin

Easy-to-build!
With us you’re laughing

All the way
to the cemetery.

We bend over
backwards to bury you

We kill ourselves
to save you money!

We do not want
to worry you

But everything
has to go, you know

Sooner or later
pop its clogs

Eventually
you’ll end up below.

And since everything
goes to the dogs

Why not check
our bargain-basement

End-of-line
reduction-madness:

One crate fits all!
With one down-payment

We’ll squeeze you in
save you much sadness.

Or go to hell!
Look elsewhere!

(Though we can
actually take you there:

Holidays underground
book now!

Economy packages
and how!)

Half-price funerals:
special offer:

Kill yourself
we’ll do the rest

Our huge reduction
deals are hotter

We’re the cheapest
we’re still the best.






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